By Gavin King, 2nd Dan Go So Kempo

Due to popular demand Gavin has been whisked away at gunpoint, been put through a crash course of attitude readjustment, and has now returned a polite, less opinionated and somewhat more useful member of society. His soapbox has been completely destroyed and he now has nowhere from which preach! It is envisioned that he will now only contribute positive and informative Martial Arts articles which will be 100% free of rantings! Bah, yeah right!!!!

Ever heard the saying “You fight like a girl”? It is used as a derogatory remark to those who use underhanded tactics; such has biting, hair pulling, pinching and the attacking of the private areas. Combatants who have to result to the practice of these sort of ungentlemanly actions can rightly so be classified as “Girls”! My personal view; if pulling hair and biting make me a girl, then call me Jennifer and hand me the high heels girlfriend!

The late great Master Ed Parker once said, “The only rule in Kenpo is never kick a woman in the testicles!” . So, barring a few mid-op individuals out there, I think that pretty much gives us the green light to do what needs to be done, without fear of breaking any rules.

Slapping is great example of a really underrated street technique. A good slap to the face can easily be delivered with the power of a good hook, but doesn’t break any bones. What it does do though is leave one hell of an embarrassing hand print and a huge state of confusion. I know of a certain old man who has slapped a few people in his time, including a drunken overweight schoolmate of mine who ended up unwittingly sitting on his large posterior! If you’ve never tried throwing a slap, throw a couple on a pad. Deliver the slap in the same way as a hook, I think you’ll be positively surprised with the results.

The hair is another superb and often overlooked target. Grasping a clump of hair and giving it a quick yank in the desired direction can work wonders. Hair pulling is great for forcing the opponents head to go in directions it doesn’t want to go and disrupting the posture of an opponent. Again, like the slap, it won’t leave anyone permanent damage, just maybe a few bald patches.

Then we have the groin! Martial Arts have led me to have a completely nonsexual and rather unhealthy obsession with the genitals of others. In my very humble opinion they are one the most effective and greatest equalisation targets of the entire body. The best part about them is, apart from a few Chinese Monks, everybody responds to a good hard strike to the crown jewels! Hitting the groin not only affects the outcome of most fights, but also having the added bonus of ensuring that the recipient has no chance of extra curricular activity for at least the next couple of days!

Finally a lovely bite! Biting is great when you get caught up on the wrong end of a grapple. A few swift chunks out of someone’s arm can serve as a pretty good incentive not to apply a choke on you. Actually biting someone is a very hard for most people to do, it’s a very brutal style of fighting. However, simply grasping onto an opponent with your teeth, without penetrating the skin, can have a serious psychological affect on an opponent. They will seriously considered you mental wellbeing, and internally question what sort of animal they are fighting. At the bear minimum this will at least take some of the fight out of them.

Not all encounters on the street go according to plan; you may slip, be caught unawares or simply miss with a shot your trying to land. When you’re off balance or on the loosing end of the situation, resorting to some unwholesome tactics can sometimes bring an encounter back into your favour. At the end of the day, on the street you’re not aiming on scoring points or acting like a gentleman, you’re aiming on simply surviving for another day! It is your physical safety, not your ego you are looking to protect.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to check my lippy before I go to the shops to pick up a nice little strapless black number I saw earlier!