By Gavin King, 2nd Dan Go So Kempo

How art thee dear readers? I trust this glorious day finds you all happy and keeping within the good graces of the Lord? I was reading through my Bible the other day when I happened upon the gospel of Matthew which advises “…if any one strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also...”.....Scared?  Don’t worry I’m not joining the god squad! I’m still the same cynical little Zenist you’ve all come to know and love, but turning the other cheek is an important concept from a self defence point of view.

Taken literally, turning the other cheek isn’t going to get you too far on the street, but taken as conflict management technique it serves as quite a potent tactic. A lot of confrontations on the street start verbally. One person will hurl abuse to another, who’ll in turn fire off a return salvo, fuelling the next round. Eventually the verbal argument will erupt into a full-blown slugfest. If the person receiving the initial insult simply shrugs it off, turns the other cheek so to speak, the initial aggressor will not be given any fuel to continue with. An argument, like a fire, needs fuel to sustain it!

A common experience that most have had at sometime in their lives, is the accidental bumping of someone in a club. The recipient of the bump will generally bark something like “Watch where you’re going twat!” From here you’ve got two roads to travel, bark back or simply apologise. Usually a simple “Sorry mate!” will generally appease the injustice you’ve caused, whereas “Why don’t you watch it dickhead!” results in the obligatory “You gonna make me!” This is then generally followed by the equally obligatory swinging of handbags. In this situation, “turning the other cheek” could be an effective confrontation stopper. It’s the verbal equivalent of a side step.

Most people, especially intoxicated males, are very quick to bark when angered, few however are actually prepared to bite straight out of the blocks. In the example of the accidental bump, the recipient is responding in a very natural and animalistic manner, they are literally barking at you. A dog will bark to let you know that you have annoyed it; the drunken club goer is doing exactly the same thing, albeit in a slightly more constructive (deconstructive?) manner. You have angered them, they are expressing this anger in what they feel is an appropriate manner. Would you kill a dog for barking at you? Hopefully not, and the same should apply to your average Joe on the street. The fact that they’ve not come straight out and physically attacked you is a sign that they do not generally feel that your actions justify a smack in the gob, they do feel however that you have caused them a grievance. Empathising with them by apologising will generally appease their sense of injustice, and allow you both to go on your merry ways. Barking back will only result in someone getting bitten!

So, by knowing how too verbally side step, one should be able to avoid most confrontations, right? Wrong! There is one huge part of the puzzle we’re not taking into account, ourselves! Remember that the same psychological processes that are going on within our opponents mind are also happening in our own. Our own sense of injustice will be put onto red alert by the unjustified response to an innocent accident, and our ego will be screaming for heads to roll! As trained Martial Artists we think nothing of side stepping a right cross, in fact we train week in week out to avoid them. Yet side stepping a verbal attack is something that a lot of us have huge difficulty doing. I think the fact we are Martial Artists can actually make this verbal side step even harder. Why should we take crap off of some idiot on the street? We could take them easily couldn’t we? It’s probably a familiar internal dialogue, but does the fact that we can probably take them, necessitate that we have to? No, it’s our ego demanding justice. Would turning the other cheek end the world as we know it? Of course not, but that little voice inside is a persuasive one, and will do its darndest to convince you that you need retribution.

I’ve known how to verbally side step for a very long time, but my own ego response has gotten in the way on numerous occasions. One such occasion was a couple of years back when drinking with my Dad in Covent Garden in London. It was early in the evening, so I can’t even blame the drink for this one either. We were chatting in the outside area of the pub when a highly tattooed piece of pond life came wading through the crowd a stubbed his cigarette into my arm. Being a hard nut Martial Artist I gave a girlie whimper, Mr Tattoo’s told me to “Watch where I put my f**king arm!”, I instantly barked back with “No mate, you watch where you put your f**king fag!” Luckily, I can bark quite convincingly and Mr Tattoo’s apologised and left the pub. That response came directly from my ego, pure and simple. It could so easily have gone the other way, there were so many factors that I didn’t take into account. This guy could have had mates or even a weapon; things could have quickly gone badly wrong and for what? A quick sharp pain that didn’t even leave a mark on my arm!

Stopping a fight before it starts is self defence at its greatest. As Martial Artists we need to have the humility to not only side step physical attacks, but also verbal ones. It’s an easy concept to understand, yet an immensely difficult one to put into practice. Conquering our egos is a hard fight, and one I wish you luck with. With the sermon now over, I’m off to over indulge in some blood of Christ, Amen!